Sunday, 26 April 2009
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Dear Xanga.
Dear Xanga,
I think there's something wrong with me. For the past 16 years of my life, no one seems to be there for me. No friends loyal enough for me to pour my heart into. No one close enough for me to stick with. What's wrong with me?
Now, I just can't wait to be free from school and venture into a new world. To experience a whole new place without anyone I know. Just me. I want to be in a new place where I can try to make some REAL friends. No friends now are real enough for me.
A 5 year friendship is just broken because of some petty matter. That's not friendship. At least that's what I think. Don't you think so too?
Suicidal thoughts are swarming in my head. They broke down the door to my sense of sanity. I know I need to fix that door and chase those thoughts out. I need tools and help. It's just the matter of time before I finally give in. Time.
I lived my life in a shell. Like a mollusc. But unlike it, my shell has no opening. It's dark and cold, sheilding me from the outer world. I lived my life blindly. Thinking that that's all I need in life. But I was so wrong. There's more to life than a blind one. A spark of light opened up the possibilities in life. Now, I just need to break out from that shell. An appropriate place is what I need to break out. A place where there's no watching eyes, a place where there's no sensitive nose.
So, what do you think is wrong with me? I'm a sadist and a masochist, a narcissist and a pathetic self-piteous person. What can I do to break free from all those things? Help.
Love,
YiJern.
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